Friday, 26 October 2012

Being Detached can cut you off and help you

In many situations in life, I believe it is for the best if you don't get too attached, and hold back to an extent. That applies to practically any situation you might find yourself in. I don't generally trust people, and am naturally suspicious and wary of individuals I don't know. That can fade or reduce if I either like them or if I get to know them well, but I have to get to know a person first, so I can assess them and weigh them up and make a considered judgement.

By being detached to an extent, for me, at least, it ensures that you are not blind to people's faults. Whether that person is your partner, family, close friends, acquaintances or someone who is in the public eye. There are people I can't stand the sight of and I hope I never see again if I live to be 120 years of age, and on the other hand, people I care for very much or feel totally at ease in their company, but with regards to both categories, I am not blinded to their faults.

I have seen situations where mother's, in particular, have grown too attached to their son or girlfriends partner, praising them to the hilt, glorifying them and their qualities and then have been very disappointed or upset or wounded if the relationship has broken down or if the pair have split up. When that has happened, in a few incidences, the mother has then started criticising the person who their son or daughter split with, or even has said that they never really liked them in the first place!!! I think it is better to expect that anything can happen, because lets face it, there is nothing certain in this life, apart from the fact that you are going to be die. I have seen marriages where two people have married, and everybody has said they were meant for each other and it was meant to be and similar words to that effect, and they have split up after 3 or 4 years. So again, it is better in such situations to hold back, reserve judgement and view the event in a more detached manner.

When you are in a relationship with someone, be it a gay or straight relationship, of course you should love them, and be caring, dedicated and attentive to the person you are in the relationship with, or persons, if you lead a double life, along with their needs. If the relationship is not working you get out. I don't believe in cheating. If it is worth cheating it is worth splitting up. However, I think it is not healthy to give your 100% because if the relationship ever does split or break up, then the hurt or pain of the break up might be less, or at least not as severe as it would otherwise be.

In an employment situation, not being too attached to a person or persons can be important. Such positions include being a football manager. If a player has come to the end of his career, be it through loss of form, or injury, or lack of fitness, or you have found a better player for that position, or a young trainee isn't good enough, and you have to break the news to him that you are letting him go for that reason, then you have to have some degree of detachment. If you get too attached to the player or players, then that job is going to be very difficult for you to do.

Being too attached is no good if you are a manager or a boss in a job. It is also no good if you are a Doctor, and have to tell someone they have a terminal illness. That must be an horrid thing to do in most circumstances. I would hate having to do to it but you have to have an element of detachment. Same as being a nurse. Just think of all the difficult or upsetting situations you are going to encounter with people are ill, but you must have a degree of detachment and self-control to be in order to carry out your duties. You have to leave your work at work and not bring it home with you.

I feel that being slightly detached is important if you are interviewing criminals or murderers. When you are dealing with people who have committted horrific, dreadful, inhuman crimes, like some serial killers or torturers, or paedophiles, then a lot of people's instincts would be to bash them, or strange the person they are interviewing or lose their temper at least. As awful as the crimes which are being described to you are, in that situation, you cannot be too attached. Same as being a barrister in court, defending an evil criminal or murderer.

Despite what I have said, I don't mean being void or without human feelings whatsoever. Of course you must keep them. I think it is important to be sympathetic and compassionate for other people and situations, particularly towards human suffering, or those with disabilities, illnesses, conditiosn or the less fortunate or towards someone who is going through difficult times. It could be just that holding back to a small extent might help you to manage better some situations in life. I find that if you view issues or subjects or life from the approach I have suggested, or at least try to be objective, then you make more rational judgements and are ruled by your head and less by your heart.

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