Celebrity

The definition of a Celebrity: The definition of a celebrity – someone who works extremely hard to be well-known and recognised, and when they are, wears a flat cap and dark glasses to avoid being recognised. Regarding the recent revelations in the media about the extra-marital affairs of the Premiership footballer Ryan Giggs, all I will simply say is the following... Famous and rich people who have everything and cheat and star fuckers or gold diggers, who they cheat with, are as bad as each other as far as I am concerned. End of.

Four Things Make Us Who We Are

For me, four things shape us in life - The genes you inherit at the moment of your conception, your upbringing, the environment in which you grow up in and the experiences in life which you undergo.

There is nothing you can do about that. Some people are very, very lucky in the gene pool. Some people are quite lucky. Others have average luck, and some are unfortunate. Certain individuals appear to have an inbuilt resistance to illness and disease. This is illustrated when a person smokes 40-cigarettes a day, is an heavy boozer, eats what they want, and lives to a ripe old age, ie, their late 80's or 90's or even more.

In contrast, some people have never smoked or drank and have died of Cancer in their 40's or 50's, or have been struck down with other illnesses, such as Motor Neurone Disease or Multiple Sclerosis. Illnesses and disabilities can run in families and so can certain personality traits or skills and abilities, whether they are musical, artistic to draw, or write well, or spatial intelligence and ability, or driving skills. I have long maintained that Autism is genetic and caused by other factors. If it is caused by the MMR jab, then everybody should be Autistic. There was no MMR jab until October 1988. How can that theory account for people on the Autistic Spectrum, such as myself, and others before me? How can a single jab alter the structure and wiring of your brain?

I also believe that your upbringing can shape you, as can the environment in which a person grows up in. If a school pupil, regardless of their innate ability or intelligence, grows up in a solidly, staunchly, working-class estate, as I did, then s/he, more likely if he, to stand out if they have academic aspirations, such as doing A-levels or University, as the majority of people on the estate could have aims of learning a trade, or working in a factory, or just getting out to earn a wage and doing anything, even painting pylons or working in a condom factory. Well, ok, not in those jobs, but you get my drift don't you?

Tony Harrison, a poet from Leeds, wrote about this issue in his poem "Book Ends", concerning the language differences between himself, a Grammar School boy, and his father. If the parents haven't had much education themselves, they can't motivate or push a child in that direction, or help with homework, in for example, a subject in Mathematics such as Indices, or Algebra, or Calculus, or Geometry, or Trigonometry, if their education and versing in that sphere, pardon the pun, has been limited to fractions.

It will be more difficult for the parents to help in Chemistry or Physics, if they haven't been educated to this level. It is a proven fact, in life, that upper and middle-class pupils fare better in education than working-class and poor ones. Of course, not everybody has academic ability. Of course, some people are clever in different ways, like in a practical level or at other subjects, but there is a strong correlation between succeeding at school and social class. More affluent parents can afford to pay for private tuition for a child who is struggling or who just needs a little push, in one subject, or subjects. Middle and upper-class parents are more likely to be angry or disappointed with poor or mediocre school reports than working-class or poor parents.

If your parents were university educated, then the pressure will be more on you to go to University also. You might respond, "Yes, well, that might have been the case 50 years ago or more, but not as much now". However, it still can occur nowadays. Children are usually expected to fulfill their parents ambitions and expectations.

Of course, you can be shaped by your upbringing, in that if your parents have always gone on holiday abroad, you will grow up thinking that is the norm.

Your experiences in life can shape you. If someone has had a lot of bad luck in their life, whether in love or in employment or just generally, it can affect their outlook. If someone has been in a relationship which has ended, particularly one which was close and deep, they may be so hurt by it they might never try again. Someone might have bad experiences in the employment world, and it can damage or destroy their self-confidence and self-esteem. Likewise, if they have just had disasters or failures.

Alternatively, if someone, ie, a famous individual, is surrounded by yes-people or sycophants, then it can warp or shape their views and beliefs, and make them think that they are infallible in their judgement. Politicians can become isolated and suffer a bunker-mentality, and become detached from the real world. Thatcher did during her final 18 months in office and to an extent Blair did. Both were victims of their success.

Success in life can make a person confident, but it can also make them believe their own lies or bullshit. When that does happen, you are in serious trouble. If someone has been bullied at school or elsewhere, the outcome can be different. It can make someone emotionally psychologically tough, as they can say to themselves, "If I can survive that, I can survive anything" or "I came through that experience in life, what the f**k can you do?". It can even make the victim better equipped to survive various crisis in later life.

However, bullying is not a good or desirable experience or aspect of life. No, no, no. Bullies are evil and it is an experience no-one should ever have to endure. It can drain away the self-confidence and esteem of the victim. It can make them find it difficult to trust other people or to make friends, or to form relationships, because they are frightened of it happening again. Bullying can cause Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Similarly, child abuse victims suffer similar experiences. Both can cause mental health problems in the victim or lead them to self-harm. It has also been known for some child-abuse victims to become the abuser when they become older, as they can take it into their minds that everybody behaves like that, particularly if it is all that they have ever known and experienced. Abuse can be a cycle in families, passed down by one generation to another, or at least, in years gone by, before awareness of child abuse became public and before it attained a higher profile. Nowadays, it is more likely that the cycle can be broken, but please never fall into the trap of believing that it never occurs and that cycles of child abuse in families don't occur.

So, various things shape us, and make us who and what we are, but I still maintain it is those four categories which are the primary builders of each and every one individual alive today.

Learn To Crash

It makes me laugh when driving instructors offer crash courses in learning to drive. It doesn't fill you with a lot of confidence does it?

Nothing Really Changes - I'll Drink To That

On the news last Thursday morning, 17th February, I learned that 15,000 year old skeletons have been found in South-West UK, and evidence has been uncovered that people in those days drank out of skulls. If booze was around 15,000 years ago, then there wouldn't have been much difference from today. Think about it.... nowadays, people often get drunk out of their skulls. Back then, they would have got drunk out of...... skulls. The words "Get", "Got" and "Their" are the only differences in 15,000 years. Imagine it though, "I'll have a Skull of bitter please" or "Half a skull of Lager"... perhaps that is where the Lager brand Skol came from. In fact, it would have been better then when boozing, because you wouldn't have glass shattering all over the floor if or when you dropped your skull, as you do if you drop your pint glass today.

Hanging on the telephone

When you are waiting on a phone to talk to somebody, wouldn’t it be good if they had some kind of spoken Juke Box, where you ask for a song which you like, and the Juke Box plays it, and therefore, it makes your wait more pleasant, instead of listening to any tune they play.

Who's advice should you follow?

In life, you can listen to so much advice and read so many books, but with everything, there is one person you should listen to most of all, and whose instincts you should follow, and that is yourself. There have been several times when people have told me not to do something, and I have following my instincts, and I was proved to be correct.

I usually analyse situations and make decisions on rational facts, but at times I go by the feelings of the situation, whether it feels or seems right or not, I might be able explain why or how I feel like that, but I have found when I have made decisions on that basis, I have rarely been wrong.

ADD as a Co-Morbidity?

Eleven years ago this evening, Sunday 9th January 2000, I decided to get diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I regard it as one of the best moves I have made during my life, and I dread to think what my life would have been like now if I hadn't been diagnosed.

Nearly five months later, on the 31st May 2000, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I sought the diagnosis, got it and felt a lot better after receiving it. The diagnosis answered a lot of questions, and it explained, and still explains a lot of the problems I have experienced in my life, and which I have experienced as far back as I can remember, and which I experience to this present day.

At the time I was so grateful to receive an AS diagnosis that I didn't push for other aspects of my life to go any further. Since 1999, I have suspected, that I have ADHD or at least ADD as a co-morbidity. Studies often show that people with psychiatric conditions/disabilities have co-morbidities, and it has been known for people with AS to also have ADD/ADHD as well. Indeed, Tony Attwood, an authority on Asperger’s, says that about 75% of people with AS have ADHD/ADD as a co-morbidity.

Many people think that ADHD/ADD is about hyperactivity, but there is more to it than that. It is also commonly believed that it goes away or at least reduces in effect as you get older. Nothing could be further from the truth. ADHD/ADD is a progressive condition, rather like Motor Neurone Disease or Multiple Sclerosis, and shows itself in different ways as one gets older.

According to my parents and other family members, I was hyperactive as a child. I remember watching a programme about Luke Jackson and his family on Wednesday 30th July 2003. One of Jackson's siblings is hyperactive, and my dad remarked “That was you when you were his age”.

My litancy of forgetfulness is very long. Here are many examples.

On Friday 30th March 1990, at Secondary School, I left my coat on an armchair and walked home without realising it. When I got home, my mum inquired where my coat was. I finally realised that I had left it behind. Luckily it was handed in and I was able to get it back, on Monday 2nd April 1990, when I returned to school.

Weatherwise, 29th June 1992 was a blazing hot day with no clouds in the sky. I was listening to Radio One's rewind hour. At that time they played songs from a certain year for half an hour and then songs from another year for the second half.

The second half went to 1972 and they played "California Man" by the Move. I liked that song at the time so I taped it, jumped up and down, feeling high as a kite, and danced around the kitchen, and played it four times repeatedly after my Mother had left.

I didn't have a house key on me, but for some reason, my mum told me to put the house key through the letterbox after leaving. About three-quarters of an hour later I walked out and put the key through the letterbox as I locked up and set off. Nothing wrong with that you may ask. Well, I walked to the gate and realised that I had left the house wearing my slippers! I then thought to myself "How do I get out of this?".

I came up with a solution. I visited a late former neighbour of mine. aged 90. He lent me a pair of shoes but the problem is that he is a size 8 and I was a size 10. In fact, I still am. I was walking around in agony for the rest of the day.

On Wednesday 13th January 1993 and Monday 18th January 1993 I left my bag behind whilst I wondered off looking at books. That annoyed the then security chief. The library threatened to bar me from going in for that.

On the evening of Friday 19th March 1993, I went round to the house of someone I was friends with at the time. I suddenly realised I had lost £10. I told him and we looked for it, but it was nowhere in sight. I returned back to his house, and his mother came in, saying that she had found £10 on the roadside, near my house. We both told her that it was mine, and to her immense credit, she gave me it.

On Sunday 9th January 1994, I went to the Bulldog gymnasium (I took weightlifting up three weeks before), where I used to work out at the time, and forgot to put my coat in a locker. I worked out but by the time the session ended, I went into the cloakroom and it wasn't there. On Tuesday 22nd April 1997, I left a walkman behind, again in a local Library, and never got it back. It had been bought for me at Christmas 1996 as a present. I have lost my library card on six different occasions. I have also misplaced it on three others.

On Thursday 30th October 1997, I left my walkman behind in a newsagents. Fortunately, it wasn't a repeat of April, and the following day, I went in, and it was left behind. Then, eight days later, on Friday 7th November 1997, I left it behind at the desk at the Chronicle office. I used to get into conversations with staff members, ten to the dozen, about their birthdays, birthdates and day of the week they were born on.

On Wednesday 20th June 2001 I left a library book on a bus. I couldn't find it, after tracing my steps, and it wasn't handed in, so I had to pay for it. Fortunately, it wasn't an expensive one.

On Monday 9th September 2002 I left my walkman in an Internet cafe, where I used to frequent between June 2001 and April 2004. I got it the following day, where someone had, thankfully, handed it in.

On Saturday 24th January 2004, I left the same walkman behind in the library, but this time, I lost it for good. Five weeks later, on Saturday 28th February 2004, I went into town and bought "Q", the music magazine, late in the morning. I went into a fairly quiet pub around 12.30pm and left after drinking two of pints of Guinness. After walking halfway down the street, I realized that I had left the magazine in the pub. Then, later that afternoon I caught the bus home and ended up on the wrong one. I was half way up Sheffield Road before I knew I had done so. I got off and caught the correct one home.

Nine months later, on Monday 22nd November 2004, I lost my walkman (I bought it on Thursday 5th February 2004 as a replacement for the one I lost 12 days earlier) and to this day I don't know where it was or where I left it. I don't care where it is now. It was too inconvenient and bulky looking back.

On Wednesday 23rd March 2005 I handed in some clothes in for my parents to a shop on Eldon Street that mends them. I was about to hand a £20 note over when I suddenly realised that it wasn't there. I told the people working in the shop to wait. I walked down the Eldon Street to find it but it wasn't there either. I turned around, and incredibly I found it at the side of the road just near the shop. I quickly retrieved it and paid for the items. I was very, very lucky that day.

On the morning of Monday 4th April 2005 I put some toast in the toaster and went to the toilet. I had an idea for my website and rushed to the PC to put the idea on it. However I got so involved in it that I forgot and left the toast on to burn! That is how I am. I get so engrossed in one thing at a time that everything and everybody else seem unimportant.

On the night of Wednesday 31st August 2005 I was reading a book and went to bed. I got so engrossed in it that I forgot to lock the door, which remained unlocked until I got up the following morning.

On Tuesday 25th March 2008 I left my mobile telephone on a train after visiting Darton, near where I live, on an errand. I realised when I got off it that it was missing. I went up approached this woman, who aged about 21, and asked, "Can I lend your mobile phone? I have just left mine behind on the train? You can have my rucksack and my MP3 player if I can just phone my mobile". She replied, "Well I haven’t got much credit on it at the moment".

I counteracted with, "Come on, all I want to do is telephone my mobile to ensure that it hasn't fallen into the wrong hands. If I am going to steal your phone you can have my rucksack and MP3 player". She replied "Well sorry, but I you can't use it". I was agitated by this point so I snapped "Well I hope that if this happens to you, then someone doesn't let you use their mobile phone either". Afterwards, I could see her chatting nonchalantly to someone, on it, probably her boyfriend.

I got out of this by asking someone who worked behind the glass counter at the ticket office if they could telephone my mobile. The first three times it rang and there was no answer. I said, as I was calmly outwardly but inwardly I was seething with rage, "Well, it doesn't look as if I am going to get that back. I hope that if someone has stolen it, then someone does the same to them". The guard replied, well we have had telephones, coats, bags, MP3 players and more handed in here. It is not looking good but just hold".

To add further insult to injury, a Policeman came into the office and asked me if the rucksack was mine. I replied, "Yes it is. Why, do you want to search it?". He answered, "No, but keep it with you at all times. I accept you are honest and genuine but you have to be careful nowadays". The bag was a few feet away from where I was stood.

Finally, on the fourth call, someone answered and he was going to hand my telephone in to the lost property office.

On the morning of Friday 20th March 2009, I went to the local shop to get some bread, butter and milk, and when I got there, I realised I did not have my house keys with me, so I walked back in the hope that no-one had got in. As it happened, they were left in the door, but I was very, very, lucky that no-one had seen them. I did the same on Saturday 4th April 2009, but I got to the gate and realised what I had done.

On Tuesday 7th July 2009, a wet, miserable day, I went to the gym. When I got there, I learned that I had left my gym shorts behind. I could hardly work out in my jeans could I? So I went back, and brought my shorts. I then worked out, and had a shower. I set off, and then, half way home, found out I had left my gym key behind in the changing rooms.

On Christmas Night 2009, I had a shave with an appropriately named, electric Philips razor, and whilst cleaning the razors, one of the parts dropped down the sink. I never got it back and as a result, had to buy a new one, a Remington Microshave.

PROBLEMS WITH CONCENTRATION

In 1983, a school report stated that I was a "good reader who can tackle anything but tends to gabble and read to quickly as my mind is usually on the next line". The report also stated that I have a "Quick, lively mind".

A junior school report from 1986, stated that I appear to be "A bit scatter-brained at times". Other reports, most notably in Secondary School, repeated that I lacked concentration, found it difficult to concentrate on anything, was a daydreamer or was a loner, which I am today.

In the past, when doing courses at college, instead of studying what I was supposed to be studying, I was in the library reading about subjects which were totally irrelevant to what I was supposed to be studying. You may assert that we all get distracted easily, but NT’s can do “boring” tasks. I just cannot.

If I am not interested, I can't do what I wish to do, or I find it very, very difficult, if not damn impossible. I have passed courses in the past, but I have had to devote all my time to them because my mind keeps frequently wandering, looking at items that were totally irrelevant to the task in hand. If I had concentrated better and stuck to it, I would have passed easier, would have achieved higher grades and had obtained more time to myself at the same time. At the end of exams, which I have taken in the past, my mind has felt like it wants to explode, because of all the concentration required. I dislike activities with extreme mental effort because I just can't concentrate or focus long enough.

I just cannot get motivated to do things, or can only do with extreme difficulty. I am one of life's procrastinators, even about things that mildly interest me.

I had severe problems concentrating and focusing when doing my ECDL course between 2007 and 2009, and I had to have a support worker to help me focus and keep up. It wasn’t the learning which was the problem, it was the concentrating and keeping focusing. A support worker was assigned to me, which I was very grateful for, to help with the other people in the group understand me, and with my interaction problems, and to try to keep me focussed.

My mind is rather like a cement mixer. I can almost hear by brain whirring constantly. My mind never seems to be still or rests. When I am writing, I often miss letters or words out, because I am so keen to finish off what I am writing.

I wrote that in March 2000 when waiting for my diagnosis with AS, I still have the 12-page report on which I wrote that, and it applies now. Yet ironically, when doing something, I can only focus on that one thing or do that one thing. I can't do several things at once. I am solo-channelled, as opposed to NT's, who think multi-channelled.

Another scenario is that inside your brain you have a TV Channel. For me, there are four different channels going on inside it at the same time.

If you are talking to me and my concentration span is broken as a result, I can become irritable. I have to give my all to a situation that demands my concentration, and it is often hard for me to regain that level of concentration if it is broken.

When I am writing, I often miss letters or words out, because I am so keen to finish off what I am writing.

I must get out what I want to say immediately because if I don’t, I forget it. I hate queues. I still often talk ten to dozen about a subject or topic which interests me, regardless if the listener is interested or not. Indeed, in May 2001, a psychiatrist I used to see, send me a letter in reply to some concerns and worries about things that were getting to me at the time, that he “Noted that I speak very quickly”.

My brain feels like it needs to be stimulated and entertained. It needs to receive written information, and yet when studying or reading, it loses interest quickly. I also feel sleepy after studying or trying to concentrate.

When someone is rambling on at length I often lose interest very quickly, and if or when you are talking to me, you have to emulate me, and get to the point very quickly, otherwise, you will lose whatever hold you had over me, and I will lose interest. I don’t take offence at someone’s frankness as long as they aren’t wasting my time, but stringing me along just makes me bored.

I frequently change TV channels a lot when watching a programme, even if I am interested in it or flick through them.

I may as well have photocopied most of my Secondary School reports to stop the teacher or teachers repeating themselves with my inability to focus and concentrate.

My mind always is ahead of itself and so is my speech, to the extent that I can mix people’s names up, because I try to get too much out at once.

When using the Internet I frequently have five or more windows open at the same time, as my mind keeps jumping between different sites. It just cannot focus or concentrate on any site for a long period of time. I look at one, get bored, looks at another, gets bored, switches to another site, gets bored and so on. I look at all and take in very little of any.

My head is always full of crap, even today. I wrote down irrelevant data such as people’s ages, irrelevant dates, numbers and things like that. Almost anything that is totally unconnected and totally irrelevant to the task ahead.

On Saturday 8th January 2000, I remember being sat with a group of people and one called me ignorant for butting in constantly. I asked him if he liked Chris Evans, and he replied, “No, no, I don’t. I don’t like irritating people”. Picking up straight away that he was meaning me as well, I replied, “Well, life must be horrible when you don’t like yourself”.

Another person said about me in 2000 that I don’t listen, and butt in constantly because for me, it is too much like hard work.

I always talk a lot through TV programmes if I am not interested about any rubbish in my head, relevant to the programme, or to my life or not.

I also talk very quickly. Indeed, in May 2001, a psychiatrist I used to see, send me a letter in reply to some concerns and worries about things that were getting to me at the time, that he “Noted that I speak very quickly”.

I always was, in the 1990’s and up to the late 2000’s, seen running. I would run everywhere, because my mind was so keen to get where I wanted to go faster. I used to run in the town centre, and people said to my mum that “Your Kevin is always running everywhere”. Once, in 2005, I was stopped by a policeman who asked why I was running. He asked my name, and told me that I shouldn’t, because it attracts attention, and I could be arrested in future.

I am always fiddling with my belt, making movements with my eyes, rubbing my hair.

I remember jumping up and down, feeling high as a kite, being upstairs, in early 1995, and the song by Blur, “Girls and boys”, was on a cassette I had. I played it repeatedly.

On the afternoon of Saturday 4th March 1995, my dad asked me on 4th March 1995 if I had been taking drugs because I seemed “high” and was talking fast and seemed quiet happy. Indeed, when at Secondary School, one or two pupils, on occasion, asked me if I was high on drugs with my behaviour, and once I was asked where I got them from.

On Tuesday 2nd September 1997 I was in a queue in McDonalds. I hate queues at the best of times, but because I was bored, I started dancing about, or attempting to dance about, and then I walked out.

When sat, I frequently shake my legs. This could be due to low dopamine levels in my brain. Another habit I have is chewing my tongue which makes me look like a goldfish.

Do you think I could have ADD or ADHD as a co-morbidity?