Friday, 28 August 2009

They are dead - get over it

Now they are saying that Michael Jackson is alive and faked his death. He is currently living in a street in South Africa. Other residents include Elvis Presley, Lord Lucan, Madeline McCann, Hitler, Princess Diana and the crew who were on the Mary Celeste. They also keep a pet horse named Shergar.

This could potentially evolve into an Elvis Presley scenario, with stickers saying "Jacko served me in Burger King" or "I saw Jacko in my Job centre", or they'll be saying that Jackson is living in a two-bedroomed council flat in Moss Side. Or if he turns to crime, and gets arrested, the Police could ask Jackson why he did it. He would then sing, "Cos I'm bad, I'm bad". As sad as it is, he's dead. Get over it. I can't see why he would fake his death with a lucrative UK tour on the horizon. Jackson didn't fake his death when he was on trial for child abuse cases did he? The notion that he was murdered is more credible than him being alive.

When Princess Diana died, 12 years ago this coming Monday, numerous theories abounded about what had happened. MI5 were behind it. Prince Philip was behind it. The Queen was behind it. She faked her own death to escape the intense glare of the media and paparazzi. It was a plot to fake her death, but it went wrong and she was killed. The secret service intended to kill Dodi Fayed and leave Diana unharmed, but both were killed instead.

I have a new theory. Elton John had Princess Diana murdered. Think about it. He wasn't selling many records at the time and he'd blown all that money on flowers. She dies, he sings at her funeral at Westminster Abbey. His "Candle in the wind '97" was the biggest selling song of all time, his career took off again, and he got a knighthood four months later.

I need sectioning? Well, that theory is as credible as some of the other wilder theories that have abounded since then, notably that she faked her death and is still alive, or it was an attempt to fake her death that went wrong. So the exponents of those theories should be in the beds next to me if I want sectioning. I wouldn't be surprised if she was murdered, but nothing has been proved to this day, and until someone can prove it, leave it at that, and let her rest in peace.

I suppose these stories about dead celebrities keep conspiracy theorists and authors away from the job centre, and in work.

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